15 dpiui: HCG beta test results today

yeah things really have been pretty quiet this past week, so when i found the above encouragement it made so much sense!  i've been a little quiet myself this past week since my last update, but truth be told i've been trying to find anything i can to distract myself from thinking about the outcome of this iui cycle... while it included making darling baby headbands for some client/friends, and even though making those are fun, they weren't the best method of trying to keep my mind off of the elephant in the room! but, today was the day... i had my HCG beta test, so by the end of today we found out the results  of how our first iui went.  not going to lie, it's pretty nerve-racking sitting around waiting all week to go test, and then more waiting for the call to come back from the bloodwork.  so i'll show you the constructive things i "did" to fill my time this past week...

it included getting my progesterone checked on tuesday 1/29... which i was totally convinced was going to be low and i was going to need suppositories to help.  anything over a 10 confirms that you indeed ovulated {which was the other reason for the progesterone check},  but given my history of low Prog. levels i thought for sure they would be low... but God blew me away with a  level of 18.1!

and talk about a war wound from that blood work!  the newest nurse on staff drew my blood from the inmost vessel in my arm, and i don't know if she missed or what happened but i had this nice bruise just a few hours later, and it's still there a week later.  needless to say today i asked for the stealthy-barely-feel-a-thing nurse and now have no bruises on my left arm from today! yay =)

then, after reading about another blogger doing this after her HCG injection, i thought this would be a totally brillant idea to pass the time....

i stocked up on a bunch of dollar tree tests to "test the HCG out of my system," J just shook his head when i explained what/why i was doing this!  so the logic behind it is this: since the hormone you're injected with is the same hormone for pregnancy, i figured i'd test till the "false positive" went away... so if you look closely at days 6+5 there's a faint line {yeah i know they're out of order}, then days 7+8 there's no second line... i figured once the false positive from the HCG trigger shot was gone, then i could wait a few days then start testing for the real HCG to see if this round worked.

so last friday morning, unbeknownst to J i took this test and saw this faint, faint second line... to which i showed J and asked for his second opinion {while making his breakfast i might add, hey don't judge the kitchen has the best light}!  and he said why aren't you just waiting till monday??

which in a way i agreed with him because i didn't want to get my hopes up that this was the real deal on our first IUI cycle... but because i just couldn't help myself i wanted to check on a digital because let's be honest they either give you a "pregnant" or "not pregnant" option, no fickle and barely there line to scrutinize over like the cheap-o tests.

so last friday evening while i was waiting for J to get home i picked up some digitals, and i had every intension of waiting till the next morning to test again... i just couldn't help myself, as soon as J got home i buckled and took one and it didn't really even think very long,
and it popped up with this word...

it was at that moment that i knew this was really happening, but the true test would come today to see how high my HCG beta levels were.  and before i share that, i just want to share that again after taking this test J asked why i wasted the money on these hpt's because we were going to have to pay money to get blood work done anyway today... i explained to him that i've never in more than a year and a half have had the satisfaction of seeing a positive pregnancy test, to which he kinda understood my logic... or maybe he was just humoring me a little.

soooo... that brings me to today's appointment i told the nurse that i had gotten a few positive hpt's at home over the weekend {yes i took the second one to make sure i hadn't been dreaming}.  and she congratulated me and said that i will need to go back again wednesday + friday to make sure my betas are doubling each time... then if things go the way they should we will have our first ultrasound to finally/hopefully see something other than just the empty uterus we've grown accustomed to seeing for the past year + a half!

so i guess that means we're pregnant {and not quite celebrating yet} i think it will feel a little more real once we get to see a growing tiny baby and hopefully a tiny heartbeat to go along with it!

we certainly aren't out of the woods yet {i know a lot can happen over the coming weeks}, so if you are reading this please include my body + uterus in your prayers, that they cooperate and keep sustaining a healthy environment for this new little life.

i am just blow away and still processing this news {cautiously of course}but i think we're now one step closer to God's "something glorious."

cd 19: iui day!

so, to pick up where i left off in my last post, yesterday was the day of our iui! finally... it seemed to me like we were never going to get a green light.  and i guess i was a little apprehensive due to that clomid cycle i did with my OB last fall that just kinda fizzled out around cd 17 with my follicles not progressing.  yet another reason to work with an RE, they're in the business of trying to get you pregnant!

anyhow today i indeed tried to do something my future self will thank me for should this cycle be successful... this morning i had to drive J's sample down to the office at 9.  for those of you unfamiliar with transporting these types of "samples" it's recommended to keep it close to body temperature, which means i usually transport it zipped up in my hoodie or workout jacket... glamourous eh? it also needs to be at the office within and hour of the time it's produced, so i know J is very thankful we live about 20 mins from Dr. Mo's office that way he can do this in the privacy of our home. 

after dropping off the sample i hung out for a bit in the area and did a little work before driving to J's office to pick him up and head back to Dr. Mo's for the procedure.   

we knew Dr. Mo wouldn't be there for the procedure, and that one of the nurses would do my ultrasound and the PA would administer my iui... so, in fact they started with my scan and we were told that the follicles ended up measuring 22mm + 18mm and my uterine lining had gotten even thicker at 11mm, woohoo! so i guess that extra day and a half with the estrogen patched help bump my follicles + lining to the ideal range.  yet another answer to prayer, i was really excited to know that there were two possible eggs in the running, and that my lining was a healthy thickness {ideal thickness being 8-11mm}.  the nurse also said that the outlines of the follicles looked a little jagged which is a good indicator that ovulation had already started or was underway.  

after that the PA got me ready for the actual iui, she told us that J's numbers after the wash were 36 million, and 86% motility.  she said that they look for the motility to go up after the wash, and his did by about 20%, so that's great news!  an iui is prepped pretty much like a pap test, but they have a syringe filled with the washed sperm and there's a really thin catheter on the end of it which they insert past your cervix and up to the top of your uterus.  none of that really hurt as far as i noticed, but just as she asked are you feeling any pinching, and i said nope i felt it... it being an uncomfortable instant cramping similar to what an HSG feels like.  the only way i can describe it is a change in "cabin pressure" in your uterus... meaning it's all of a sudden filled with fluid that's not normally in there in that large a quantity.  after that she told me to hang out for about 10 mins with my knees up and then we would be free to go.  she did mention that she noticed that my cervix was pliable and bled a little when she touched it with the catheter, which in her words she said is a sign that there was "some action already going on" probably ovulation underway!  while laying there, J decided to check out the ultrasound machine, which led to him tripping over the stool where the PA had sat for the iui, the stool went flying and he almost landed on his face, and that made me start cracking up!  so i'm laying there trying not to laugh for fear i would disturb the new peaceful balance in there... oh it was terrible, between the air that was now trapped in my uterus, and clenching my abs trying not to laugh at him... ugh that guy!

after we left i noticed the little crampys getting more apparent, and by the time i got home all i wanted to do was curl up on the couch... and so i did... the rest of the afternoon, misty kitty and i had a nice long snooze.  when i woke up i tried to go about my normal routine i noticed the cramps were still there, ugh it killed me when i had to alioop my TJs groceries out of the cart, into the car, then carry them upstairs when i got home. soo, when i got home i got he temperature sensitive items in the fridge and ditched the bags right in the middle of the kitchen and resumed my place on the couch with kitty.

i'm a wimp right now, but hey i think i've earned the right to be a whimp after today!  and now folks we wait, it's official we're in the 2 week wait and i'm currently taking distractions as i really need them so i don't go crazy these next two weeks...

cd 17: a green light and early morning date

let me just preface this post by saying i'm currently sitting here at the Whole Foods killing time before picking up J and heading back to Dr. Mo's for our iui procedure... but i probably won't get to post this till after i'm home again.

but let me back up to saturday morning and my early morning date with J to Dr. Mo's for my cd 15 check up.... she came in on saturday to see us and what seemed like about 3 other couples, apparently i have some other cycle buddies, and to my surprise they all seemed to be about our age which i guess seems like we're all younger than i expected people to be with fertility challenges.  so when Dr. Mo came in for our ultrasound, she asked how the estrogen patches went and i told her it felt like there was a lot of action going on since i put them on last thursday.  and low and behold my feelings were right, my dominate follicle was at 18mm and the other was at 16mm!  she said she wished she could give the 16 a few more days to catch up, but at least the dominate one was at the appropriate size for us to get the HCG ovulation trigger shot.  on that note, i was saying my follicle sizes were in cm's but it's actually mm's.  back to the check up, she said that my estrogen patches sure did work because my lining had grown to 8cm {i think that's measured in cm's, i don't know anymore}.  

so we were given the green light to trigger ovulation sunday morning, and before we left we were given the tutorial on how to mix the hcg trigger shot and then we were done.  it was very surreal to know that we were just on the cusp of being able to "try," well with the help of an iui, but still it was a good feeling to know that my cycle progressed {albeit slowly}, but progressed without any issues thus far.  thank you Lord for that, because i know if this wasn't part of His plan the door could've been closed at any point.  

after our appointment we headed off to brunch at one of my favorite brunch places, Plum's and had a little post doc's visit brunch date.  mmm waffles... =)

it really was a great time together, we don't have a lot of time during the week to really talk and enjoy our time together.  it was really nice and very needed especially given all the conversations these days seem to revolve around babies, and trying to start a family... it was nice to just talk and enjoy each other's company like the old days.

we were told at our appointment that sunday morning i could go ahead and remove my estrogen patches and administer my hcg trigger shot.  so that morning J let me sleep in a little bit and came and woke me with the shot all mixed and an ice cube to use to numb the area.  so i sat for a few mins with the ice cub numbing the spot on my tummy chub {yes i said chub} for J to administer the shot.  i will say it did hurt a little, but it really wasn't that bad, however now i'm kinda wishing i would've done the upper thigh injection because anytime i sit down now it feels a little bruised and my waistbands seem to hit right on that spot.  

also, J had planned an early 30th bday celebration for me on sunday with my close girlfriends for a spa day, which couldn't have been any more perfectly timed given that the iui was going to be the next day.  so after getting my shot i hopped in the car with my green smoothie J made me and went to meet the girls at Burke Williams.

 i hadn't been there before, but it was amazing to spend time with 6 of my closest pals to loung around in robes, sit in a whirlpool {my last time doing that for a little while} with cucumber eye treatments, sauna, steam room, and all the amenities.  can i just tell you they have some of the best lemonade i've ever had!  they also had fresh fruits, spa water, tray passed frozen grapes, teas.... can you tell i enjoyed myself? haha, also since it was for my birthday i was given a complimentary enhancement to my massage... it was honestly one of the best massages i've had, i tend to really carry a ton of tension in my back so my firm Swedish/deep tissue massage was just perfect and just what i needed to take my mind off our iui that was coming up today, and it really helped relax me... just what the doctor ordered!

after our spa day we went and got a delightful lunch and headed home where i proceeded to pass out on the couch the rest of the day, what a bum i am!  later that night i realized after taking my last bath for awhile {RIP evening baths per Dr. Mo's orders} that my estrogen patches + my hcg injection site were super red and the injection site was raised and felt a little bruised... no bueno

the bottom red area is from one of my patches the top one is from my injection, yeah, note to self: if we do another injection i want to try it in my thigh.

so that brings us up to today {monday CD 19} IUI day!

as you can see above on my fertility friend chart it looks as though i did in fact ovulate!  temping for ovulation typically follows a pattern of ups + downs in the first 2 weeks of the cycle, then a low temp dip followed by a thermal shift up of at least .5* which it appears happened with my temp on iui day today. 

post iui procedure update to follow...

cd 15: bring on the estrogen!

today was another check in with Dr. Mo, she asked if i was making any progress, and i thought "how the heck would i know??"  she checked my ovaries and my right one is proving to be a total dud, i remember the first ultrasound i had with the clomid round last fall with my FAVORITE u/s tech Marty {which i can't wait to start going to see her again}, anyhow Marty said that my right ovary was really "shy."  meaning that it's waaaay off in right field, so it really doesn't surprise me that i don't have any follicles growing on that one.  but on the left today Dr. Mo said i now have two follicles in the running, one that's 15cm and one that's 13cm!  hooray, that means there may actually be more than one target to hit when it comes time for the iui.

while my follicles are starting to look good, she did say my uterine lining was pretty whimpy.  she said she'd like to see it at 8cm, and right now it's at a measly 5cm... dang it.  when we tried the clomid round each ultra sound i had Marty commented on how beautiful or fluffy my lining was {almost like being told you look prett, haha}. so it's a little odd given that one of the major side effects of taking clomid is that it can thin your lining, and the up side to femara is that it usually doesn't... but o'well c'est la vie.

they had a solution, and i am now sporting two new vivelle-dot estrogen patches...  and i didn't really think before and i just slapped them on.... upside down, go me!

the nurse said you can either double them up on one side of your lower tummy, or one on each side... and now that i think about it, i probably should've just doubled them up on the left for the sake of helping my left follicles to grow, but i did one on each side.

Dr. Mo also said she's thinking our iui could be monday or tuesday, but would need to see what happens this weekend... huh?  as far as i knew my RE's office wasn't open on weekends, so i asked "sooo, when should i come back in for my next scan?"  she said saturday, so ok 9am saturday it is, and you better believe J is coming with me and taking me to brunch after =).   i guess they open up shop if patients need to be seen, which is comforting because i was starting to wonder what would happen if something needed to be done on a weekend, especially since fertility and cycles still march on over the weekends.

funny thing is, as soon as i drove away from the doc's office all of a sudden i got really flushed and felt little throbbing type feelings right under the areas where my patches were {kinda like i could feel my ovaries working}.  so i'm gonna assume that means the patches were already working... hormones + hot flashes here i come!  yeah, probably should've asked what the side effects are of the patches but i like to live life on the edge, i'm figuring out that sometimes in this process it's better not knowing what i "might" expect...

oh, and on a happy note: i got my hair did tonight, last month i had my friend/stylist add more lowlights to my hair, which i'm not really a big fan of too many lowlights since i feel like i start to look my hair is always dirty {it's a blonde thing}.  so tonight she added more of my platinum back in just in time for my big 3-0 that's quickly approaching on the 28th, ack!

 and it's also just in time for our glorious so cal weather to return again, hooray! will follow up after saturday's check in...

are we there yet? {cd 12 doc visit}

ain't that the truth?... well, yesterday i saw Dr. Mo for my cd 12 check in and like i had a feeling we aren't there yet, but that's as i suspected.  so i rushed to make it down to my early, early appointment {no, i'm totally not a morning person, which i know will have to change when i'm a mommy}.  but after rushing to get down there early i did have a few minutes to sit in the ultrasound room and enjoy the view from Dr. Mo's office.

pretty sweet huh?  Dr. Mo is located right next to Fashion Island in Newport Beach, and yesterday morning was a beyond beautiful morning {something i am likely to miss being that i prefer not to make it a regular occurrence to be up and out of the house before 9 normally}. =)  the past week we've had really chilly days here in so cal and yesterday we'd had some santa ana winds that had blown away the smog and revealed this beautiful view of the ocean all the way to Catalina Island...  thank you God for the pretty gift you blessed me with while i was waiting for my check in.  i was reminded of Lam 3:22-24 "His mercies are new every morning, great is your faithfulness."  and this picturesque view was a reminder that He is indeed faithful and with every new morning i need to be reminded of that... and if i had to start my day off that early and not get the best news, at least i was able to sit an enjoy this calm before the doctor came in to discuss the next plan of action.

any who, back to the visit itself... she checked me and said my uterine lining was indeed getting thicker {yay}, and that i had a bunch of little follicles but only one that looked to be the promising one, however it was only about 11cm, and they prefer it to be closer to 18-20cm before they can give me the HCG trigger. so we're in a holding pattern until thursday.  i'll go back and get checked again to see if any other follicles have started maturing and how the dominant one is growing.

it's kinda surreal that we are finally actively pursuing fertility help, it feels like it's been a long time coming and we {really i} have had so many thoughts and concerns swirling in my head about moving forward with fertility treatments... one of which being that if we start really using fertility meds we run the risk of possible multiples out of the treatment.  and truth be told, while i had mentally and emotionally come to terms with the "idea" of having multiples it really was freaking me out a little bit!  twins are a total possibility given that J's family has a history of twins, but the thought of more than two, yeah i was letting my imagination get the best of me when i thought about that possibility....  but, after my first check in and hearing i really only had one follicle in the running my heart sank a little.  i was kind of hoping to have more than one follicle since that would up our chances of conceiving, but it would also up our chances of conceiving multiples too.  so its a little bittersweet to think that there's only one so far in the running.  but, i do know a guy, and He is in the business of creating miracles, so i can rest assured that if that one little follicle is meant to be our future child He will see to it that it all works out according to His plan and not mine.

a new year, a new cycle...

{just FYI i drafted this over a week ago and am now finally getting around to posting it}

happy new year to anyone who may have happened to stumble upon my blog, i'm convinced due to my blog analytics that anyone reading this is viewing my blog completely by accident due to the "keyword" searches being done to end up here, but whatever... as of Christmas there hadn't been any sign of late ovulation so i went ahead and started a progesterone challenge to start a new cycle knowing that i should end up with a new cycle right around the start of the year.  after about a little over a week my cycle started, which was a relief i think to both my husband and i... i personally think you start to get a little hormonally outta whack when you go too long without a period, and i think he would agree with me that i was getting quite snippy without actually PMS'ing...  we discussed that when we got back from traveling to see family for Christmas and being up in Arrowhead for new years we would move forward with our first IUI cycle this month.

so i will warn you that due to a random series of events leading up to yesterday i'm a little down emotionally, but i'm determined to blog whenever i visit the doc for posterity's sake.  anyhow, yesterday was CD 5 {cycle day}, and the protocol is to go in on days 3, 4, or 5 to have an u/s {ultrasound} to check your uterine lining + follicles, and yep they're both still there.... it was interesting because my u/s lasted no longer than 2 minutes, and they had me back up at the front desk.  since i have no fertility benefits/coverage they did let me know now that they're actively trying to help us conceive, they wouldn't be billing insurance.  cash it is... and that 2 minutes of my time was a solid $105, which could be worse, however when i told my attorney husband he said "man i picked the wrong profession." and on the topic of money, we've decided since we have a nest egg saved {we had originally intended that money to be for purchasing a home, we've since decided we will use some of it to go towards IUI rounds}.  now if the IUIs aren't successful we may have to revaluate things when we get there to decide what our priorities are at that point.  but for now we've decided since we have the money saved we'll just use our Starwood card to pay for all of it and pay it off as we go with the funds we have saved, in hopes that we might be able to use those points to go on a babymoon {well that's more my wishful thinking perhaps}.  also, i did ask Dr. Mo what she thought about Femara vs. Clomid, and she said it's for women who haven't really responded to clomid... and then said we can do Femara, and seeing how my OB only did one cycle of clomid at 50mg {the lowest dose}, we could've tried a hight dose, however i was leaning more toward wanting to try Femara and stay away from Clomid if possible.

so here they are... my 10 little femara pills which i'll be taking twice a day for the next 5 days till i get to CD9.  Dr. Mo started me at 5mg {the mid range dose}, so we'll see how that plays out.

also, she wanted to make sure i was on a prenatal + DHA, so they gave me an assortment of prenatal samples that fit the bill {let's be honest at $100+ a visit i would sure hope there are freebies coming along with my expensive visits}!

so i'll be on this regimen till friday {1.11} and then i'll head back for my CD12 scan to see where my follicles + uterine lining are at.  and not to sound like a debbie downer, but knowing me chances are good that i won't be ready for the trigger injection yet.  just knowing that it took some time to see results when i was taking clomid last september i'm thinking it might be the same with the femara, but we'll see.  and just in case i forget what the tentative plan of attack is they gave me a cycle guide for the next month of my life, which you'll see in the photo above....

so i'll check back next week after my CD 12 doctor's visit

just buying time...

well a month snuck past me without updating... an not much has happened as far as fertility developments until yesterday.  i had my 1 month follow up since starting the metformin, and i'm handling the medicine just fine now, the first two weeks were a bit of a doosey, but it's all under control now... a word to the wise, if you are about to start taking metformin, while easing onto it you most likely with experience nausea and how to put it delicately... well the big "D."  it's not fun trying to live your life needing to know where the nearest restroom is and wondering will i make it in time? not to mention, when you're sick like that, it's not a fun thought to have to leave the house and the privacy of your own bathroom while you body seems to have a mind of its own! not a very fun way to live indeed!  but at the encouragement of a friend who repped diabetes meds, she told me if i could stick it out past the first two weeks, my system should adjust and it would be back to the "regular"-ly scheduled programming {pun intended}.  and she was right, praise the Lord!

i thought there was a chance that the metformin was doing it's job, when i saw this on my CB fertility monitor on day 18 of my cycle...

however, after meeting with my doc yesterday she said that if in fact my cycle didn't end 2 weeks after it wasn't actually ovulation.  it's possible for you to get a peak in hormones like you would right before ovulating, and not actually ovulate.... well dang it, that was too good to be true.

yesterday was a dreary day, but it was a good excuse to break out my rain boots for one or like the 5 days in so cal that i can actually justify wearing rain boots!  they really are the only reason i like the rain... =)

so i chatted with to doc about how i was handling metformin, we discussed our possible options for our first go around of IUI, which it looks like we can either try to do this month or just after the first of the year. either way the hubs has to have one more semen analysis to check for any changes, and a test they will run for the {acrosome reaction}.  i won't even both trying to explain it, so if you'd really like to know you can check out the description by clicking on that term.  they also checked my hormone levels, and did an ultrasound {which was pretty inconclusive, yay for a 1 minute procedure that'll probably cost me $100}.... man it'll really be rewarding when when we're not just looking at my follicles + uterine lining and there's actually a little someone to see in there!  

oh and before i left, i asked for their fee schedule to plan ahead financially for what an IUI proceedure is going to cost us... not terrible, unless i need more than the standard included 2 ultrasounds planned for in the "IUI with Clomid" option.... i guess IUI may be our Merry Christmas + Happy New Year gift to each other this year, whoopie! 

a rosy outlook

i've decided that i'm not just going to write about the ups and downs of our fertility journey, but i'm also going to include some things about my day to day during the journey towards becoming a parents.  don't get me wrong, our fertility journey will still be the main focus of the blog, and since there is a lot of waiting between doc appointments, tests, and cycles i've decided it'd be better to try to fill the space in between with other things such as recipes, and fun things.  i'm going to try to do this in an attempt to keep myself from obsessing over my daily temperatures, OPK readings, and the general neurosis that sets in during the times of waiting during the infertility journey.

and on that note, i'd like to introduce you to two members of the David Austen english rose family that will be making their way into my life early next year!  i know when people are having trouble trying to get pregnant for any amount of time they will sometimes buy a puppy {or insert animal of choice here}, but since we already have a kitty, chinchilla, and a goldfish we've met our animal quota.... so therefore i decided i'd like to re-try my hand at gardening.

why re-try you ask?... well two years ago i became majorly obsessed with peonies and wanted so badly to grow them myself... well, seeing how i live in so cal and our weather is generally perfect for everything but growing peonies, i thought surely i could trick the peonies into growing for me!  ha! i was wrong and tried to no avail and my peony roots grew but never really produced anything other than skinny branches and some leaves.  {waah waaahh}  so then i discovered these beautiful english roses, which are perfect and just as ruffled and made my heart skip a beat just like peonies do!  so yesterday i pre-ordered my rose shrubs.  the top is called Glamis Castle {which IMO is a dead ringer for a white peony} and the bottom is called A Strophshire Lad, the perfect peachy-blush tone!  I.AM.SO.EXCITED!

so sometime right around my birthday these beauties will come in, and cannot even wait!!  i guess i just bought my first 30th birthday present to myself, haha... these beauts will be sure to bring lots of joy in the days to come.