Monday, December 3, 2012

Thanksgiving + happiness

 i know this post is over a week late... but i started writing it before thanksgiving and left it in my drafts folder, and realized today that i never posted it... so without further ado...

so on the topic of thanksgiving, aside from the obvious {for which this blog is being writen} i do actually have a ton in my life to be thankful for.  and despite the fact that we are celebrating the holidays again without a baby in our arms or on the way, i am incredibly thankful and for my many blessing and especially that i've never had to experience the sorrow of miscarriage. this is something that occurred to me right before thanksgiving when i was thinking what do i have to be thankful for in our struggle with infertility... 

a few months ago i attended the Women of Faith conference and one of the speakers was sharing on the topic of losing a child... she discussed how so many women suffer through the private pain of losing a child.  at one point she asked the crowd {keep in mind it was the Honda Center where the Duck's play hockey} which was filled with women, she asked those who've lost a baby/child to stand... i was blown away as it seemed as though 1 in 4 women have suffered that loss.  i know i personally would probably be crushed to be expecting a baby and then to lose it and have to start from square one again.  despite our struggle with infertility, for that i am thankful we haven't had to know that kind of hurt and disappointment, and i pray that we won't.

i also realized that rather than thinking about each month {or cycle rather}, as another wasted cycle, i should be thankful for this time i have with J {that's my hubs}.  i tend to get so caught up in "my plan" that i forget that God's plan is allowing J and i to have more time together for the two of us.  this time that can be used to draw nearer to each other, and try to work out as many of our "kinks" as possible before we do expand out family.  in theory that would be a much more fruitful way to spend this time with him, rather than throwing pity parties about our childless life.  we really need to embrace this time as a couple and attempt to grow and strengthen our marriage and relationship!  it's taken me a good 6 months to come to this realization, to think had i realized this then we could've been trying to enjoy the past 6 months rather than spend it dwelling on the frustration of our infertility.  keep in mind, i haven't got this practice down perfect, there are many days and hours in a day where my mind wanders back to pity party land... but at least now i know i can choose a different, and dare i say happier mindset when i start to wander off.  but in the barren dessert of infertility it truly does take courage to choose happiness.

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