Closing the door on my 20's

:: written on monday, january 28th ::

well folks, today is my 30th birthday... it's a little bittersweet seeing as i thought i would've been a mommy by now.  and according to "my plan" i would've been, but in the past year and a half God's been trying to teach me that it's not about what i had planned but what he has planned, and how much greater his plan really is than mine.

with that being said, despite not having a child at this point in life, i realized i was able to celebrate this milestone of turning 30th not once but twice with the wonderful friends God has blessed me with!  last weekend J sent my close girlfriends and i for a spa day which was awesome, but this past weekend one of my college girlfriend's flew in from Chicago just to celebrate my bday {i know, how cool is that! i felt so loved} so we decided to go for a Duffy boat cruise followed by dinner with a group of friends from college.  it was an awesome part deux of my big 30!  the tricky part of this was not "celebrating" with a cocktail... now mind you i am not a big drinker but i'll have a cocktail or two on special occasions, but being that it was my 30th i think expectations were on "drinking" to celebrate by some in attendance.  however, since my doc said act as though you're pregnant until you get the results of you beta blood work back, that presented a challenge since most of the friends we were with don't know about our fertility challenges.

one such friend thought it would be a great idea to buy me a shot of really nice tequila since we were at this awesome Mexican restaurant for dinner... thankfully there was a couple there who knows about our struggle, and our recent iui, and i had discussed with her my concern about how the night was going to go down in terms of "celebrating" with cocktails.  since we were at one end of the table she moved quick to help, while we were ordering she had her hubby chug a bunch of water, then under the table she dumped the tequila in the water glass, then repoured water in the shot glass. Then we went through the theatrics of me "taking" the shot of now water... i think they had no idea, at least i hope we were that smooth. =)

then the rest of the night i ordered a blackberry mojito sans rum, and a girly "champagne drink" that was really only ginger-ale, i think we made it through without anyone catching on??

but all that aside, i still had a great time with friends that day.. i'm really thankful for all the friendships i've been blessed with, each one so very different yet totally fulfilling... yet another thing to be thankful for despite not having a baby yet.

this morning on my actual birthday,  J gave me the "morning off" {from getting up and making his breakfast} and brought me my green smoothie in bed... i love that he even found my fun striped straws that i love.  that was a very cute touch on his part... it's the little things =)  later my mom picked me up and we went for the day out to the Cabazon outlets near Palm Springs for a girls day, something she and i haven't had a lot of time for in recent months unfortunately... so it was a great day despite not finding much in the way of shopping, but quality time was better than actually finding anything!

below is a photo from my two celebrations, 

the top one from our girls day at the spa, and the bottom from our duffy day + dinner...

when i look back on the past decade of my life, it's crazy to think i'm now 30, it always seemed so old.  but here i am 30, and i remember all of my 20's like it was yesterday, i remember being in college, joining Kappa Alpha Theta, meeting my future husband, all the fun trips and social events while at USC, J then proposing 4 years later in Jackson Hole, our wedding day + honeymoon to Tahiti, both of my grandpas passing away {over the age of 90}, my grandma's 95th birthday celebration, all of my close friends weddings {and becoming an auntie to some of their new babies}, starting my event planning business, my mom's lymphoma diagnosis + her 2+ years in remission.  when i look back on my 20's there was quite a bit to be thankful for, i will cherish those memories forever, even the bittersweet ones because they are all part of the story and my journey through life.... there's one thing from my 20's that i do hope i can leave behind, and that's our journey through the land of infertility.  it will always be a huge part of my story, but i do hope that now as i enter my 30's, 

it will just be a chapter in the past.

i'll leave you with one of my favorite songs of the past decade of my life, i never realized then that turning 30 would be so bittersweet.